


Free Fallin'

by SexyAsswoMan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, M/M, Short One Shot, hold on to those tissue boxes..., i am sorry again, kind of heart breaking, kinda sad fluff, like really really sad fluff, really - Freeform, sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:33:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5132831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexyAsswoMan/pseuds/SexyAsswoMan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm a bad boy,<br/>Cause I don't even miss him.<br/>I'm a bad boy,<br/>For breaking his heart....."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free Fallin'

**Author's Note:**

> well aren't i the wrost person in the world??? Another one shot....yeap...and this one is a sad one...well i tried....based on Harry's Favorite song (if you watched the video diaries...if not then WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE!??! ARE YOU LOST?!!? 
> 
> So here's to Free Fallin'..i suggest you listen to the cover by John Mayer while reading this :)
> 
> I am sorry...

**Free Fallin'**

* * *

****

_"He was a good boy, loves his mama_

_Loves Jesus, and America too"_

 

The first time i saw Harry Styles, these were the exact words that crossed my mind.

He was a good boy. With his dark curls, wearing a white shirt with formal pants and shoes. He was leaving the church with his mother when he looked at me with those hazel green eyes of his...

Pure and peaceful.  
  
That was him while i was the typical bad boy...With tank tops and shorts, tattoo covered arms, basketball in my hand and a beanie to cover my messy honey hair.  
  
If he was the light, I was the dark.

If he was the calm sea, I was the one with the mighty storm.

If he was the savior, I was the hell raiser.  


 

That's how different we were from each other. but i guess fate had other plans.  


 

So I wasn't surprise when i saw him in my school next year.  
  
While i was in my senior year he was just a new fresh sophomore. So soon it became a habit of mine to stare at him as he walked through the hallways going to his classes or in the cafeteria, when he would eat or chat with his friends.  
And the pretty pink blush that would always find it's way to his face when he met my gaze....Well that was the thing i pretty much lived for.  
  
And then one day, he bumped into me while rushing to his chemistry class...  
Well, that was the day the puzzle of my life was solved. He was it.  
We collided and everything changed.

_"He was a good boy, crazy about Elvis_

_Loved Horses, and his boyfriend too..."_  
  


He was a good boy.

Keeping things perfect. Always helping others...Rescuing them...rescuing me..  
  
The way he would frown at me whenever I'd lit a cigarette.

Or the way he would scold me whenever I drank way too much.

Or the way he'd cry every time I'd take drugs.

Or the way he'd hold me every time I got a new scar on my arms..

It was like, all my scars, the tattoos, the mistakes I've made didn't matter to him at all. He'd always bring me back to him...Every time i did something wrong, he'd be right there beside me to show me the right.

He was my anchor....my ground...  
  
Like the way he'd crack his stupid knock knock jokes just to make me roll my eyes.

Or the way he'd insist on playing Elvis's songs every time we went for a long drive on my shotgun cause he thought it was _romantic_.

Or the way he'd blush every time I'd kiss him or hold him.  
  
He was a good boy.  
  


_"It was a long day, livin' in Reseda_

_There's a freeway running through the yard...."_

 

That's what i told him before leaving him behind...That i was bored of the long days...Bored of this town....and most importantly, Bored of _him.._

 

And like a good boy he was, he believed every word i told him..  
  
_  
_

_" I'm a bad boy, cause I don't even miss him_

_I'm a bad boy, for breaking his heart..."_

  


And I left him...With a story full of lies and shattered dreams, i left him...I am a bad boy....I can't miss him.

  
He was a good boy and I broke his heart....because there was nothing else I could do....He needed to be free.....free from me...Free from the curse that I am carrying on my body..I don't know what kind of twisted game the fate is playing with me. It's like he gave him to me just to rip him away from me...The day I got the reports...my world stooped...How could I tell him this?? how could I tell him that the one person he gave his heart to can barely keep up with their own...How could I tell him that the one person who took his breath away had trouble breathing themselves...How could I tell him that the one he wanted give all his time to, didn't have much time to themselves.... I was running out of time and there was nothing he could do to stop it...  


So I left....I left him and broke his heart...

_"And now I'm free.._

_Free fallin', fallin'..... "_

 

I am free...Free from all the responsibilities that I had for him...Free from all the things I needed to hold on too...But this freedom isn't what i wanted...Cause what comes with the freedom is fall...I don't want to fall but yet I have no choice...I am slowly falling...Falling from my life, falling from this world and I can't stop that.

_"All the vampires, walking through the valley_

_they move west down, Ventura Boulevard"_

  
  
Sometimes i wonder if i were among them...Walking towards the unknown.

Everything feels so numb, so unreal.. Lying on this hospital bed as I count down my days. I wonder how it'll be on the other side...once I get there that is...I wonder if I'll miss him...I wonder if he'll miss me..  
  
  
_  
_

_"And all the bad boys,_

_are standing in the shadows_

_And the good boys_ _  
_

_are home with broken hearts..."_  
  
  
I wonder how he will do without me. He was always a soft one..so innocent and it chills my bones thinking something bad happening to my god boy...who will protect him?? Who will look out for him??...I know he is probably at home right now...in his room, sitting on his bed looking out the windows...I know he is broken. I know that but I can't do anything about it. I don't have the time to do anything about it. I know that he is crying but I can't wipe away his tears.

Maybe he'll move on, start a new life, find a new boy who he will love with all of his heart and be happy. Or maybe he will stay home and wait...Just like he told me he would...  
  


_"I wanna glide down over Mulholland,_

_I wanna write his name in the sky_

_I wanna free fall out into nothing_  
  
I'm gonna leave this world, for a little while..." 

  
There is nothing more than i wanna do is to run back to him..To walk up to his doorsteps and lift him into my arms whispering everything is fine..That his bad boy was his only and no one else's...To hug him and kiss him all over just because I can and to see him blush scarlet under my arms just one more time..

But that won't happen.  
That's not something I can ever have.  
These hospital walls, this cold room, these broken lungs won't let me...It's just too far out of reach for me...I can't have him. Not in this life.

I guess bad boys are never meant for good ones like him..Dark can never meet light. Just like I can never have my Harry.  


If you ever find this Harold just know that i love you.   
I love you so so very much that every inch of my skin hurts just thinking of leaving you.  
My love for you isn't fake..It was never fake. From the day that I saw you I knew, I knew that you would be something good for me and you were..so so very good.  
You have changed me..you have made me something I could never become by myself. You were there when no one else were and I am thankful to you for that...But fate wasn't on my side this time love. I have to leave...And you have to learn to let go of me...  
I will always love you and i will always be with you....through everything. When the wind of Reseda hits your face know that It was me kissing you...when the first sun ray shines throughout your window know that it was me saying I love you. When the first snow of December falls on your hair, know that it was me running my fingers through them..  
  
I love you Harry. You are my world, my hope and my sun. Please forgive me...

Be a good boy and let go...

Yours forever,   
  
Your bad boy.

 

  


 

_"Louis Tomlinson died three days later after he wrote this journal.  He was diagnosed with Lung cancer and was admitted to the City of Hope Development LA in southern California.  
_

_I am Stacy Virginia, a nurse who had found this journal under his pillow the day of his death. After reading this i couldn't stop my tears from falling thinking about the love this man had for his boyfriend. He was a good friend of mine throughout his tough days and it pains me thinking that he went through this much.  
I have tried searching for this mysterious Harry but sadly, he had moved to somewhere else when I reached Reseda.  I really hope that he gets to read this one day cause the love Louis left for him needs to be heard. If you are reading this Harry, please contact me...there is so many things Louis has left you that you need to see love....He lever hurt you, he could never hurt you..it was you he all ever wanted and you need to see that...."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> like i said....i tired....not sure if i succeeded but i still tried...sorry...:3


End file.
